It's been three weeks since I've posted. Before that, it had been a month. I remember just six months ago when I posted every day, diligently crafting outfit photographs and ensuring to reply to every comment.
I warn you: this is going to be a long post without pictures.
I've had this blog since I was in grade eleven; it's been four years in the making. At the time, I read fashion blogs daily as if they were my personal bible. I spoke about the bloggers as if I somehow knew them, as if they were just another person in one of my classes. One night, I finally mustered up the courage and created Fashion Handglide after months of deliberations. Funny fact: I was so exhausted when I made this blog that I hadn't realized I spelled it "handglide" instead of "hang glide." I remember when I first began posting, not knowing what to write or how to take outfit pictures. Finally I confessed to my closest friends I had created this blog and, to my surprise, I received no ridicule (can you blame me for being worried? I was in high school). When my friends first began photographing me, I was so shy. It would take us nearly an hour to take fifteen pictures. I couldn't look at the camera and I certainly couldn't pose. I was completely out of my comfort zone; I had always been a private person and here I was, putting my life on the internet. Over time, I let go of certain insecurities and began testing out what did and did not work for me. I had found a sense of fashion that felt right to me, a place where I felt accepted and a hobby I could truly enjoy. High school can be tough - being a member of the blogging world made it easier.
If you've been following my blog for a long time, or if you've simply gone through the archives, you'll know how the past two years have been. Yes, they were difficult and yes, there were times where I felt like I wasn't sure if I could keep my head above water. I realize I am not special in that respect. Many people, especially young adults, go through trying times. However, it's apparent to me that these difficulties are beginning to take a toll on many things in my life, such as friendships, grades, sleep, and this blog.
Alas, I'm shutting down this blog. I've realized that I no longer feel as though I have a voice here, as though I have nothing left to say. I have no creativity left within me. For goodness sake's, I go to school in bootcut jeans, running shoes, and tshirts. This entire post may sound melodramatic to some, and I'm ok with that because I'm merely stating my thoughts and sentiments. I'm lost in a sea of uncertainty and unfulfillment, merely attempting to keep my head above water, all the while feeling the monsters below dragging me down. I feel as though I've lost sight of who I am and because of that, I'm not putting in the proper effort I should be towards certain things.
So, in short, I'm deleting Fashion Handglide because I don't have the same love of fashion and of blogging that I used to. I don't feel as secure with who I am as I used to, and I don't feel like I know what I want. All I know is that I'm not putting in the kind of effort I used to with this blog, and I know that means that I don't care anymore. I'll leave this up for a little while so everyone has the chance to read it.
However, please don't take my lack of self-certainty as a lack of appreciation. Some of you have been following my blog since the beginning, some of you write comments on each post. I would like to extend my sincerest gratitude to each and every one of you who ever read my blog, who follows and who comments. I probably would have deleted it long ago had it not been for all of you.
Maybe in time, I'll create another blog when I have the time and dedication for it, when I've settled things, figured out my style, have a companion who can regularly take photographs for me. I'm not quite sure. Maybe I'll see some of you again?
As William Shakespeare once wrote: "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."